I Want To Be Famous

Due to the presence of mandatory long essays and inevitable finals, I have turned to YouTube to escape the dreaded responsibilities. Well actually, I was first on Tumblr, and then I ended up on YouTube. For 2 hours. After midnight. on a Sunday.

I saw a gif of a cute girl saying that she bought flowers for her boyfriend. Meh. It was ok content. Then I saw the comment.

“She got flowers for Pewds <3”

Me in my head: I think I know who that is. My sister watches video game funny things on YouTube. There was this one guy in particular that she loved. It was something derpy. What was it?… Right! it was PewDiePie! Is that his girlfriend? Wow she’s so cute. They both have Youtube channels? How popular are they?…PewDiePie is the most subscribed account on Youtube?!?! CutiePieMarzia (his girlfriend) has over 2 million subscribers? Jesus!

Long story short, I spent the next 2 hours watching both of their videos, learning about their love story and their particular interests, getting more and more jealous. Pewdiepie curses and fucks around with glitches on video games while cutiepiamarzia tells people what she wears in a thick Italian accent. Was it like watching Steve Jobs give a graduation speech at Stanford? No. It was watching two young people be silly on the internet. But they cracked some code, won some lottery, bet on some lucky dice, whatever. They are not only famous for their videos, but they make enough money from them to support themselves without having a second job. I want to be that.

I’m very introverted. I prefer my room and a closed door to any kind of social function. But for the past couple of years, I’ve seen so many people get famous on the internet, whether it’s their blog, twitter, vine, or youtube, and I wish I could have that. I have never felt that sense of being important and interesting enough to hold someone’s high regard. I have a tumblr, instagram, and Facebook, but I’m essentially nobody on all 3 of those outlets. Is it shallow of me to want people to follow me? To leave comments on my content, praising my whatever? To say that they love reading/watching my content and can’t wait for the next post?

I have a Youtube account, but only to prove to some videos that I’m over 18. I have never posted a video on Youtube, and I think I can count the amount of videos I have posted on Facebook on my one hand. I want to post videos of me doing things and I want people to like them. I don’t even know what kinds of things I want to post! I like clothes, makeup, food, and occasionally being silly, but I don’t think I’m good enough at any of those things to become popular from them.

Every “famous” person on the internet will tell you that they never expected to become famous; they just consistently posted stuff and for some reason, people followed like a horde. Why do I feel so hopeless in that regard? How would I even start this feat? What if I don’t have anything valuable to add to the quadrillion pieces of content out there?

I watch the first videos that pewdiepie and cutiepiemarzia put out. What did I learn? You start from the bottom, then you’re there. Drake, you philosophical ol’ fuck, you.



2 Comments on “I Want To Be Famous”

  1. ekdancer says:

    It’s a little sad how much I relate to this… a month or two ago I discovered all the british youtubers at the same time and subscribed to all of them so now I have several videos to watch every day, and even when I don’t I just go back and rewatch old ones. It is an addiction. 😦 But they’re all funny and who needs real friends when you have one-way internet friends? 😀

    • mzelenski says:

      Oh god yes british youtubers. I always think that if I were to become internet famous, I could become actual friends with these people. But don’t we all think that way?

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