I Have Seen the Light, and Now I Must Shove it Down Your Throat

They post filtered photos of their oatmeal on the internet. Their oatmeal has a perfectly arranged fruit sculpture on top of it. There are fruits in this sculpture that you didn’t even know existed. They are constantly radiating energy without every drinking coffee or energy drinks. They make a note that it’s been years since they’ve poisoned their body with manufactured caffeine. They always note this when you express your desire for caffeine. How coincidental.

They are perfect. Or at least that’s what you’ve gathered from their words. They have unwavering self-control, a never-ending list of links titled “Why meat-eaters will ruin the planet,” and they can smell you eating animal products from miles away. You’ll be lucky to sneak in a chip before you hear the familiar “you’re killing something.” You see, they’ve never killed anything. What about that cockroach last week? Shut up, that’s not the point. But wait, cockroaches are animals too, don’t you preach life for ALL …. Ugh, you carnivores always do this, you sidestep the big issues.

They are in line with their chi, balanced in their chakras, strict in their diet, and expressive with their opinions all while doing handstands on top of scenic mountains. They shave their body hair or they don’t. They watch TV or they don’t. They outwardly criticize people or they don’t. Regardless, their actions are the only acceptable actions on this earth and it’s absolutely mandatory that everyone knows. They have seen the light, and now they must shove it down your throat.

They are that annoying vegan.

Chances are you have met someone like this in your life. Maybe they’re not that annoying vegan, but they could be that annoying paleoperfectionist, that nutrition specialist, that annoying fitness freak, or that annoying religious advocate. It seems like every lifestyle has that group of people that live by strict standards and have to have those standards known. But not just known, I mean really known. They will only discuss the positive aspects of their lifestyle and complain that your lifestyle is killing something or someone. Why do they do this? Why do others have to feel insulted at the expense of their ego boost?

I feel a combination of envy and anger towards die-hard vegans. I definitely wish that I had the self-control to always eat vegan, keep up an exercise regime, maintain my mental health, and accomplish something every day. I wish my breakfast looked pretty enough to be photographed. I wish I had enough energy to feel motivated without the help of caffeine. I wish I accomplished a consistently healthy lifestyle that inspired others. I wish I could consistently be aware of the effect that my actions have on other beings, organisms, and the earth.

I also can’t stand being told that I should live just like someone else because their life is better. It’s the being told part that annoys me. I don’t like people who think that their experiences with their own life bring about lessons that apply to everyone else’s life. I don’t like people who can’t accept that there are multiple ways of thinking and living and think that their way is really the only way. I don’t like hypocrites that won’t acknowledge that there is at least some chance that they are wrong.

Vegans are guilty of this, parents are guilty of this, religious people are guilty of this, and so are most people. I think it’s ok to be hypocritical and judgmental sometimes; I can’t imagine having perfect positive thoughts about everyone all the time and I definitely can’t hold that standard to other people. But when it’s consistent and suddenly everyone else’s actions are your business, it’s annoying.

Bitch Vegan Video

I don’t really know where I stand on this. She exhibits both the logical and evidence-supported rhetoric that I like and the abrasive preaching that I don’t like. What do you think?

I’m mostly vegan on most days. Some days, I’ll deviate really far, and other days, I’ll keep vegan. No one around me is vegan, and I have absolutely no desire to even question their lifestyle. Hell, I love to cook non-vegan dishes for my friends and family. I didn’t become vegan for the animals or environment, so I can’t really speak from the perspective of an activist. I became a vegan because I perceived veganism to be a healthier option for me. You’ll never hear me telling someone that dairy is bad for you and you should stop consuming it, but that shouldn’t invalidate my position as a vegan.

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3 Comments on “I Have Seen the Light, and Now I Must Shove it Down Your Throat”

  1. […] insides and our outsides. We want you to leave us alone. And not just paleos, so do those “annoying vegans“! Let us be […]

  2. […] criticism about other people’s eating habits. So… for the die-hards who hate on my perfectly healthy friends, kindly, shut […]

  3. Once you start wanting that pretty breakfast picture and the subsequent feeling of grandiose MORE than you want that pretty Chipotle burrito on your plate, you will stop wishing and start having 🙂


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